Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, ‘Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?' - Peter Maher, Irish-Canadian Olympian

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Ithaca's Farmer Market

We have a wonderful local farmer's market in the area. Unfortunately, it is held on Saturdays. If you venture out there on a Sunday there is a huge flea market. Interesting stuff to browse, but no veggies. Last Sunday, the husb and I decided to drive down to Ithaca to check out their farmer's market. Unfortunately for us, they share the same scheduling philosophy of our own farmer's market. The only veggies to be seen was a small selection of asparagus :-( There were plenty of vendors with wine, cheese, honey, clothing, and crowds browsing them.

Oh, and there were plenty of ethnic food vendors.
So while we didn't get our veggies, we did eat quite well.

Check out this menu:

Momos??? You can eat Momos? Guess what I ate? Yep. I just had to try them.

They were a steamed dumpling stuffed with carrots, peas, potatoes, etc.
They had a nice spicy afterbite. The plate came with a generous serving of a cabbage slaw, mildly seasoned, and a nice counterpart to the spice of the dumplings. I had mine with a couple of side squirts of a chili garlic dipping sauce.

There was an accordian player providing entertainment. When we walked by, he remarked on A's Iron Maiden t-shirt. He said he would play us some Iron Maiden. It took a few measures for us to recognize the accordian version of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida which is actually by Iron Butterfly but we gave him points (and a tip) for effort. :-)

One neat thing is everything produced by the market, with the exception of coffee cup lids is compostable. There were plenty of recycling and composting stations available.

We spotted this sweet little girl. She was having a great time there, and certainly got a lot of attention.

And lastly, A spotted this road sign on the way home and told me I just *had* to post the picture!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Weekend 2007

Bridg decided to have a cookout. We decided to go. So did our dogs. So did Bazu and Daiku. All of Syracuse's finest and best vegan bloggers in one locale. Ok, Syracuse's only vegan bloggers.....

As usual, Cosmo views their home as a doggie summer camp. He loves being in the midst of the pack. He wants in:

He wants out:
Mal enjoyed exploring the huge, greyhound friendly yard:

There was lots of consulting around the grill (not by me, though. My fat butt was parked in a lawnchair and I had sangria in hand. I didn't move much.)

One distressing and unfortunate instance of tofu kebab-icide:
But all of the other food was delicious and happy to be there:
Homemade, barbeque seitan ribz:
Potato salad, bean and veggie dip, and coleslaw (l to r)
Yum, yum:
Tiramisu cupcakes from VCTOTW:
It is a little discombobulating to walk into a room in a friend's house to find your dog standing on their couch:

Friday, May 25, 2007

Run Report

Monday and Wednesday - 2.5 miles. I am running with a friend and her dogs who aren't used to going much farther. We are gradually going to increase their distance.

Friday - 2.75 miles, just myself and Cosmo

Saturday will be 3/3.5 miles (slow) at the park. I will decide at the turnaround which distance we will do, depending on temperature.

Next week M/W/F will all be 2.75 miles.

Not keeping track of times because I know we are slow.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

7 Things about me

I am not a very interesting person but I have been tagged by Bazu to write 7 things about myself. Here goes:

1) I love to read. Sometimes it feels as necessary to me as breathing. I raised my three kids telling them, 'you are never alone if you have a book'. I can even actually remember that moment in first grade and how it felt when it 'clicked', when the words actually made sense to me.

2) I have been to 4 AC/DC concerts - in Canada, New York and Boston (I actually fell asleep at one!), 5 Lynyrd Skynyrd concerts and have seen BB King 5 times.

3) I am a lousy interview.

4) I was raised and baptised in the Southern Baptist Church (service Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday evening, y'all).

5) I am not a big fan of 'litmus tests' per se because, frankly, I think life is generally more complicated than black and white. But I have to say, this upcoming presidential election, unfortunately, I have one. I will not vote, no way, no how, for anyone who voted in favor of P.L. 107-243, the "Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Iraq Resolution of 2002. So, as much as I would love to, in my lifetime, vote and have a female president....Sorry Hill. It ain't gonna be you. Nope, nope, nope. That vote was crossing the line for me - unforgivable. 3,434 (as of today) times unforgivable. 70, 243 (as of today) times unforgivable. And frankly, I am not buying everyone's revisionist, 'oh, we have to jump on the anti-war bandwagon now that public opinion has turned against the war' stories. I was always against the war - from day one I knew this wasn't right. And what the f*ck did I know? Nothing. I had no access to privileged information. But I know lies and rot when I smell them and what they were trying to sell us stunk to high heaven. I wasn't buying it and neither were 133 representatives (including 6 republicans) and 23 senators (including 1 republican). I don't know how the remaining, who voted in favor of the authorization, sleep at night.

6) I do not watch war or holocaust movies. Or animal welfare movies, for that matter. I just don't need to see them. I know. And that is enough for me to handle.

7) I have been vegetarian for 13 years and vegan for 9. And every year it gets easier - more products, more information, more people trying to live as compassionately as possible.

And because she loves these types of things, I tag Jen. She has been busy at work lately, but maybe she can find the time to enlighten all of us.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Written Word

I have been (trying) to read Doctor Zhivago. It isn't bad, it just isn't compelling :-/ I have resorted to the last ditch measure of checking the dvd out of the library. Maybe watching the film will help me engage and invest with the characters.

I did pick up a quick read from the library, Dog Years by Mark Doty. Emotionally heart wrenching but ultimately life-affirming. The writer takes us through the part of his life denoted and defined by his two retrievers - including the death of his companion, Wally, from HIV. Just to add extra pathos, at one point the author is living and teaching in Manhattan and writes about the beginning of the school year, heading off to the office on a bright, clear September morning, and the effect is as receiving a kick to the gut. You know what is going to happen, just as you know the outcome for Wally, his companion and for Beau and Arden, his dogs. I did get a kick out of one reviewer who states, " the Emily Dickinson criticism may make it too literary for the Marley & Me crowd."

I also picked up Barbara Ehrenreich's Bait and Switch. I loved Nickeled and Dimed, but B & S left me cold, detached, unsympathetic and ultimately, I left it unfinished. I just didn't care to read about life coaches, weeks spent on resumes (how hard can it be? If a pro can't read and offer critique in an hour or two, forget it!). Blah.

Juliet B. Schor's The Overspent American was much more satisfying. Her basic thesis is that we have become a nation of debtors and consumers but it hasn't increased our happiness. I found her writing about the 'whys' - why we feel the need to purchase what our neighbor's have, why our associate's success creates a void in us - to be very interesting. How much of our acquisitiveness is caused because of what others have? Why is status conferred based on material possessions? Makes me aware of how lucky I am that my friends and I have managed to avoid this game of 'keeping up with the Jones'. Trust me - they have heard the phrase, "Sorry it's not in this month's budget" plenty of times and they don't even blink an eye. There is a great deal of comfort in having a social circle that when they hear, "Nah, can't afford to go out this week" and their response is not an eye-rolling sigh, but, "Come on over then, I will make dinner".

Lastly, but not least, is our May book club discussion of our science fiction selection, Timeline by Michael Crichton. The general consensus was that this book was entertaining, serviceable, but not great literature (surprise, surprise). One thing that Crichton does (he is a very, very bright man) is infuse his stories with tons of facts, science and historical. That alone is enough to elevate this book a hair above the usual beach/plane reads. But make no mistake, as my husb commented during the meeting, this book reads like a screenplay. Character development is nil. People and events happen just to move the plot to the next adventure scene. I enjoyed it because #1 I love, adore time travel novels and #2 Medieval Europe fascinates me. Other time travel novels I would recommend are, Doomsday Book by Connie Willis, Kindred by Octavia Butler and the out of print The Mirror by Marlys Milhiser (although I think Jen didn't like or maybe finish this one, I loved it and have read it several times). I first read The Mirror, what, 15-18 years ago? I checked it out from our local library and then could never remember the title. I searched for it for years and then one day, at a garage sale, I picked up this book and thought, "hmmmm, this looks familiar". And it was The Mirror. It has to be my all-time triumphant, favorite garage sale find :-)

On my TBR (To Be Read) shelf: The Brutal Journey by Paul Schneider, recommended by Jen.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Dream world

I never, ever remember my dreams unless I wake up, right in the middle of them and concentrate really hard to fix the details in my memory.

However, I do remember my dream from last night. I was in a 5k race and my time was 28:53. Approximately 2 minutes faster than my pr. That time felt so right, so good, so natural in my dream. I feel like it is my time.

That is how slow I am. I dream of a 9:15 m/m pace and it seems unattainable :-)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

New York, New York.....

a helluva town
The Bronx is up but the Battery's down ***

The stay-at-home orders were trumped by parental duties. Saturday, 5:30 am, I hopped in the Prius (gas prices, y'all) (51.2 mpg down, 49.1 mpg back) and tooled on down the highway to attend to one of the youngsters.

Easy drive down for the most part until I missed the Lincoln Tunnel exit. How? I never have before. I was truly and honestly lost in New Joisey. Yikes. I started following signs to the Holland Tunnel (get me out of the industrial wasteland and back to sweet civilization!) and resigned myself to driving up to midtown on the westside highway. When, lo and behold (seriously, it happened like a revelation minus the angel singing) I spotted a very, very small sign for the Lincoln Tunnel. I followed them all the way through some part of New Jersey right to the tunnel and it was backed up. Seriously, backed up like I have never seen it before. I was stopped in traffic way, way back from even when the curve begins. It took me almost an hour to get through.

Then I am through and right smack dab on 42nd and NOT 34th. So I do one of those little rectangular drive arounds trying to get where I need to be and 9th Ave is closed off for some dadblamed street fest.

I have never had such trouble getting to 31st. I did make it though and we loaded up the prius with stuff for a storage unit. Where did the offspring get her storage unit? Way, way up in the 260's. I don't even know the exact street. I thought we were back in New Jersey.

We unloaded her stuff and headed back. We couldn't manage to manuever to the Henry Hudson so we stayed on Broadway and it was a cool straight easy shot down. Until we hit the 50's and then it was stop and go, bumper to bumper and took 40 minutes to go the 30 blocks.

At this point, we park the prius (for $20 in a lot. #1 there were no, and I mean no, spots around. #2 husb would have had a hissy fit if he knew his prius was parked on the street) and picked up the roommate. We didn't get vegan dim sum but walked to 23rd and 6th to Burritoville and I treated the girls to dinner. I got a vegetarian chorizo burrito with black beans, brown rice, vegan cheese and sour cream in it. That puppy was huge and I inhaled it. Very delicious. I drove all the way back that night with my jeans unbuttoned.

After dinner, we put all the youngster's dirty laundry in the prius and headed north back home. We arrived home and I was in bed by 11 pm. Exhausted. I have already taken two naps today. All I kept thinking about was those people I know who have kids in their late 30's and early 40's. Those suckers are going to have to do all this college moving shit in their 60's!!! Points to me for having my kids in my 20's :-)

Mad props to me a couple of weeks, I get to do it all over again. We will load up the Element this time - gas mileage be damned - and I get to move her into her very own apartment (lease signed and paid by us). This trip though, I will actually stay a couple of days to get her all settled and drive her crazy :-)

***extra points for anyone who knows where this is from (nothing to award you but I can give imaginary 'points'!)
5/21 - Edited to add: Ooooooh, we have a somewhat, kinda, contender here, folks. 3 sailors dancing - one was Gene Kelly, one was Francis Albert Sinatra and the last was Jules Munshin, all on 24 hour leave in NYC.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Friday Eye Candy

I thought I would end the week giving everyone a little gorgeous eye candy to set the tone for the weekend. I hope everyone will appreciate my effort at actually going out for a run* and taking my camera so I could get a shot of the boys running. How blog-centric is my life? Does an event even really happen if it isn't blogged about? :-)
After run cuddles:
I even got a little video because the camera was on the wrong setting when I tried to take the first picture:

*For those smart alecks who are thinking, "Those dogs don't really look like they are running." Well, geniuses, they aren't. We, the humans, are running, albeit very, very slowly. They, the dogs, are so superior to us, they can maintain our pace while trotting briskly (and frankly, towards the end of the run, we slow down so much they don't even have to have any briskness) :-)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

To add insults to my injury

First off - the wonky ankle. Very irritating. Getting better and I am going to run tomorrow. So there.

Second - looks like a third-in-less-than-two-years shingle outbreak. I woke up yesterday and they were popping up on my arm and my side. Good news is they just itch but aren't causing the excruciating pain that my first outbreak had.

Third - an ob-gyn appointment yesterday. Ick, ick, ick.

Fourth - while walking up to the entry way to the office building for above referenced ick ick ick appointment, I fell. Not a stumble but an honest to goodness sprawled out on the pavement fall. Spectacular. I grabbed for the iron railing, missed and banged my head and my upper arm on it. I looked like a dork. Don't know why I fell, didn't step on anything, didn't miss a stair. My body just decided to do a swan dive to the pavement. I did provide amusement to a group of fairly suspicious looking and hygiene compromised men.

Fifth - said obgyn doctor, after performing unspeakable, violating acts upon my body, informs me I need to lose 20 lbs. Really? You don't say.

Sixth - above referenced shingles, after behaving for 24 hours, decided to make my life more interesting. Specifically, by starting to pop up on my face. By my eye. Optic nerve and shingles - not a good mix. So my evening will probably be spent in the Urgent Care, waiting to get some antiviral crap to nip this in the bud.

5/18 - edited to add: Doc says it isn't shingles but actually contact dermatitis. Whoopee! Of course, for all I know, contact dermatitis is doc code speak for flesh eating bacteria. But it isn't shingles, alas no good narcotic pain killers. :-)
5/20 - edited to add: I am feeling very cervically challenged. No one has ever commented much less complimented me on my cervix except to say 'it is dilated so push'.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Letterboxing photos

I thought I would chime in on the weekend letterboxing adventures. Last week, I planted a new box, Runswithdog, along the park trail that Cosmo and I run. Bridg and Jen graciously offered to check my clues before I posted them. Their accounts of the weekend are here and here. They found my box easily with only a suggestion or two for clue changes. Here is Jen wandering around looking for it:

I forgot to photograph the log book before planting the box so here is Jen modeling my handmade logbook:

Here is Bridg and Jen employing all the stealth they are capable of, stamping in the logbooks right in the middle of the trail:

(I am kidding about the sarcastic stealth bit. We take the letterboxing stealth and discretion issue very, very seriously. There just was no one really around.:-))

Hiking later at Oneida Shores. About this time, those two were starting to get stir crazy and exhibit signs of ADD. The conversation went like this:

Me: The clue says this.....blah, blah, blah.
Bridg: Maybe it means this tree. (looks behind the first tree she comes to)
Jen: Lucy is so absolutely gorgeous, don't you two agree.
Me: Look over in that area.
Bridg: The box is gone. Isn't it a nice day?
Jen: (not talking, just taking hundreds of photos of Cliff)
Me: Keep looking, you two. It has to be here.
Bridg: It's gone.
Jen: I love your new camera Bridg.
Bridg: (not talking, but down on her knees barking at Clifford)
Me: (15 minutes later) I got it.
Bridg: I could have sworn it was gone!

This is Bridg in a post moon shot. Yep, she mooned us. Why? Don't know. Too bad my camera isn't fast enough.

Here is a perfect example of how my boxing companions occupied themselves while I searched for boxes. Wonder what they are saying to each other?


Yesterday, for the span of about 2 hours, I really thought I had broken my ankle. It hurt like an s.o.b. Called the husb to come home and to take me to Urgent Care. By the time he got home, my ankle had been iced for about 30 minutes and I was having second thoughts about the Urgent Care. I hate that place and hate doctors. A motrin 800 and more ice and I feel that I am a day or two away from a 100% ankle. My plan was to run Thursday but now I am thinking it will be Friday.

I am still puzzled about the whole incident - the very minor action that ballooned into major pain five hours later.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


Not a happy camper right now. I met a friend at the park this morning to run with our dogs. Her dogs haven't been running much so we ran 1.25 miles, walked a quarter mile and then ran another 1.25. Towards the end, I hit the edge of the pavement and rolled my ankle. I knew it was coming and compensated (very nicely, I thought). It didn't hurt that bad. I walked it off in a matter of a minute or two and we continued running with no problem. End of story, right? So, I thought.

Here I am. 5 hours later. Unable to walk with my ankle, twice it's normal size, on ice. WTH? What is with the delayed reaction? I came home, showered, cleaned my car out. I headed to the grocery store and on the way, I thought to myself, 'Hmmmm, the ankle kind of hurts'. I didn't think too much about it because, well, frankly, I usually can't be bothered about this kind of stuff. I got out of the car and could barely make it into the store. I thought if I got in there I could lean on the cart and get my shopping done. Nope. I tried but that definitely wasn't going to be happening. So I hobbled back out, trying not to wince out loud and now here I am. I am pissed.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Blow off

I see where, in much more hopeful and optimisitic times, I listed a 5k race on my sidebar to run today. Not gonna happen :-( I just don't feel like driving 40 miles to a race, and I volunteered to sub for the gym's 5k run instructor this morning. So, instead of racing, I am going to be running 3 minutes/walk 3 minutes, 5 times, with the newest converts.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Friday run

It occurred to me today, as Cosmo, T'bo and I did our Friday morning run, that I love my dog. I adore this guy. He has been the best running partner ever - always engaged and motivated. He keeps me going. We did only our 2.5 mile route - that is far enough for T'bo. He ran at the very end of his leash, as far behind me as he could get. I just don't understand this. He isn't stressed, he just drags his ass, lollygagging. Cosmo maintains our pace, nicely slacked leash, his head aligned right with my right thigh. Running with this dog is a joy.
T'bo will be returning to his home early next week. Then it will be time for Cosmo and I to up our distance and work on a little speed.
***Edited to add: Don't bother writing me about how my dog is too skinny. He's a greyhound, for crying out loud. He is a greyhound who is active and at his proper weight. And he is a greyhound that will go out and lay down a pace over six miles. Want to try to hang with him over six miles? (That is a rhetorical question because I know some of you runners could hang with him without hardly breaking a sweat, but I am talking trash to all those non-running, fat dog owners who always look at me like I am starving my dog) He only looks skinny because by comparison, most dogs are too fat.***

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

SVS dinner

Monday was the second SVS dinner. We hosted 24 people at Las Delicias, a local caribbean place, for a spread of plantains, rice and bean dishes, empanadas, etc. As in our initial outing at Steve's Cantina, there were some slight hitches - ok.....some major hitches. Bridg and I (along with the help of one of our diners!) ended up plating salads, serving food, and bussing tables. Oh well. One thing about B that makes doing these types of events easier is that she shares my same work philosophy.....we don't care what we have to do, we will do it to ensure success. Neither of us is too proud to clear tables! Overall, I think the dinner was a success - once the food started arriving, it kept coming! There was a lot of it and it was good.

These dinners have a definite learning curve for us and each time we learn more of what we should do. I think by about the 4th dinner, we will have the process down pat. Even though I brought my camera, I was unable to take any pictures but you can head on over to bazu's blog and check out her account of the event.

Mid week run

The only thing I will complain about more than the temperatures being below 50? The temperatures above 60. No satisfying me :-) Not a cloud in the sky - temps gonna be over 80 today.

Ideally, Momo, Bobo (no comments please, I know it is dorky) and I would have been out running at 7 am. But I had workers coming at 8 am. My plan was to let them in the house, take off for our half hour run before it got too warm. Did they show at 8? No. Did they show at 8:30? No. Did they show at 9? No. 9:11. I waited around and then the husb said he would stay until they showed so we could get out before it was too hot. We went out at 8:30. It wasn't too bad for me but the dogs really felt it, especially T'Bo. Momo is more used to it and can handle it better. We did 2.5 miles slow with a walk break at about 1.25 miles. Honestly, even warm, if it had been just me and Mo, we would have done the 3. I ended up draping a cool towel over T'bo for a few minutes when we got home to help him cool down.

T'Bo runs as far as he can behind me. I expected he would be a bit more competitive with Cosmo. He raced until he was 5 and I heard he was a moneymaker. When a friend and her greyhound run with me, both her dog, Wil and Cosmo run out ahead of us, neck and neck. They aren't willing to let the other one go ahead. That is funny because both Wil and Cosmo were unsuccessful racers. T'Bo, who was successful, seems to have no competitive drive to stay with Cosmo. Just goes to show, you never can tell.

Oh, while I think of it......shout out to the sanitation workers who took the filled poop bags I was running with. Those guys rawk! And also to our local school bus driver who will practically drive up on someone's lawn to give me and the dogs a wide enough berth on the street. Makes a nice change from those nimrods who like to go by me so close I can see my reflection in their side mirrors.....

Monday, May 07, 2007

Food Frenzy

Tonight is the second SVS vegan dinner at Las Delicias. Yesterday, bazu and Bridg came over and we whipped up a batch of Dulce Sin Leche cupcakes from VCTOTW for an after-dinner snack.

The naked cupcakes:

Of course, we had sustinence for ourselves:
Bridg's bean salad:

Bridg's raw carrot and apple slaw:

And the piece de resistance, our grilled veggie sandwiches:

I have slid off my diet bandwagon the past few days starting with a Cinco de Maya party. For the first time in my life, I saw jello shots. I thought they were some college, urban myth but I guess they really exist. Of course, I didn't partake because they aren't vegan and frankly, they looked nasty. After tonight though, I am back to the calorie counting.

New GWC pictures


From the walk on Sunday at the Charlie Major Nature Trail.

Runs with dogs

We have a visitor here at casa ala RWD - T'Bo. He is a bounceback from a chaotic home. We are watching him while his foster person is on vacation. The backstory is he attacked his owner. *shrugs* I always take those type of stories with a large grain of salt. Not to say that T'Bo doesn't have his issues. He has growled and raised his lip to the person fostering him. He has snapped, made contact but didn't break the skin of her husband. T is on 'the nothing is free' doggy bootcamp plan :-) There is a long list of what he cannot do. No furniture priviledges. Last to be fed. Last for treats. Last in and out the door. Some of his issues seem to center around his space and not liking to be told to move. He is regularly displaced and moved from bed to bed. He is also on my own little personal doggy rehab plan - exhaust the hell out of them and then they are too tired to misbehave, hence the title 'Runs with dogs' :-)

He seems to be taking all this in stride and is a happy go lucky, sweet, energetic boy, very willing to take direction. I would adopt him in a heartbeat, if I could. Unfortunately, because he is now 'labeled' a biter, the liability issues are such it is uncertain if he will ever be adopted out or will just live as a permanent foster :-( I think he should go live at Casa ala 4crazygreys. They love 'biters' over there :- )

T raced until he was 5 and has been off the track for 2 years. His musclature is almost that of a track dog. The boy is ripped to shreds :-) His foster home has been running with him, and got him up to a mile. I have done almost 3 with him, taking a walking break about half way through. He did absolutely fine, only starting to lag during the last half mile. It was spectacularly easy running with both him and Cosmo. We will be heading out again this morning to hit that pavement.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

May Day

If you are so inclined (not that I think anyone is) and are breathlessly checking my fitday everyday, on the edge of your seat, wondering just what my protein and caloric count is for the day, you might notice that yesterday is mighty spare. I decided to give myself one 'off day' each week and yesterday was my 'off day'. I tracked a little in the morning but then I met friends out for a celebratory dinner. My temp job at Central New York's version of Enron, that was supposed to last until the end of December, finally did end - pretty much when I told them I wasn't coming in anymore. So yesterday, I finally threw off the shackles of The Man and started to reclaim my life again. Very appropriately on May Day. Workers of the World, Unite! (Like the red? It is a nice touch, if I think so myself :-))

(As an aside, am I the only curious about Fidel? He was a no-show? All we get is Raoul at the parade? I call foul! Methinks those robust photos we have seen lately might have been staged - not that I want to sound conspiracy minded.....)

We celebrated with a great dinner at Steve's, a pitcher of margaritas, margarita cupcakes and stayed to watch American Idol. Go Blake!

Cosmo and I also ran yesterday - 2.5 miles. Damn, I felt pretty sorry for myself. I figure another week or so and I will be back up to speed and we can rejoin the group without embarassing ourselves.

(As another aside, since I have been tracking calories, I have paid more attention to portion size. Let me tell you, a serving size of cereal -3/4 a cup - is NOTHING! NOTHING, I tell you. Certainly not enough to provide sustenance for any human being. It is cruel.)